Andy's Blog

I managed to win a new iPod Shuffle!  The thing is truly tiny and now takes pride of place as I pursue my increasingly fruitless task of developing a physique….

…although pear-shaped is a physique, it’s not the one I’m really striving for, rather get away from!

So I can now be found bouncing around the gym, with  diddy wee iPod attached to jogging trousers, desperately trying to pump iron to the tunes of Marilyn Mansun, Iron Maiden, Hoobastank, Guns n’ Roses, Nickelback, Rammstein, and many other devils music practitioners.

Now if I could just get rid of this damn cold!  Although on the positive side, going around the gym equipment sneezing, coughing and sniffing and telling the other gym users “I haven’t felt right since Mexico” is getting me on the equipment far quicker than previous outings.

Karate tonight, although I’m sure the same ‘Mexico’ reference will not work quite as well on Sensei!

From this...

Somewhat in the same vein as my ‘8 beginner tips for Yoga‘, I bring you 10 gym warnings for the unwary.  These have been gathered from my daily visits to the gymnasium in a desperate bid to develop a muscle.

1. There will always be somebody there bigger than you, trying to keep up with their regime will only result in arms that ache so much that you can’t lift your cup of tea at work an hour later.
2. There will always be somebody smaller than you, and perversely they too are able to lift more than you.  Stick with your exercise regime and do *NOT* attempt what they just did… Nothing hits your self respect quite like whimpering for help as you try not to strangle yourself under a heavy bar.
3. There will always be a ‘fat-sweaty-bloke’ present whilst you exercise, whose sole job is to precede you on all equipment to cover it in a fine fragrant musk.
4. Laughing at the guys gurning as they lift heavy weights is NOT acceptable behaviour and can be hazardous to your health.  (In a related note: do not attempt to look at your own face as you lift your more modest weights… it’s doing the same THING!!)
5. Parading or posing in front of the mirrors flexing your ‘muscles’ is acceptable practise, up until the point when somebody who actually does have muscles notices you.
6. No matter how big you are; strutting your stuff around the ladies section of the gym, in a faux attempt at getting water, makes you a cock…. in every sense of the word.
7. The amount of attention you attract is in direct correlation to the amount of wind you break and the attempts you make to try and maneuver said weights onto your chest and into your lap, after a major “uh-oh” failure in anticipating how heavy the actual weights are.  (See #1 and #2 for more understanding of this point).
8. No matter which shower cubicle you walk into, and regardless of the colour of the shower gel provided, it will always be ‘essence of coconut’ and make you come out smelling like a macaroon.
9. Using the hairdryer to dry your hair is fine, using it under your armpits is a little weird, using it to blow dry your pubic hair down below is downright freaky!
10. Finally… Walking into the changing rooms to be confronted by the rear-end of fat-sweaty-bloke in all his naked glory, one leg up on a changing bench, throwing liberal amounts of talcum powder between the cheeks of his but-tocks does give you pause to wonder why you got up at this obscene hour and punish yourself in this way.

...to this!

All of the above has either been noticed, witnessed or done by myself – i’ll leave it to your overactive imaginations as to which ones which. 

Further rules can be found here, please add your own comments as to any other warnings/rules/observations I may have missed.

In a kind of “you show me yours, and I’ll show you mine” posting, me and Mr Clayton-Bull have been comparing exercise regimes.

Now I am not, in any way shape or form, a power gym user or even particularly that fit, however the following is something that one of the guys I work with uses – and he’s buff!  So I have decided to tag along with it, and add my karate elements.

…and, Damian, I still manage to get to work on time

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Spring has finally sprung, at least for a little while, here in Northampton.  To make the most of the sun actually being up in the sky *and* warm, I decided to forgo the usual swim at lunchtime and instead go for a long slow walk along the River Nene.

Shades on, jacket off, shirt sleeves rolled up, iPhone cranked up listening to Hoobestank, best foot forward and don’t stop until either the music runs out or I get somewhere I don’t recognise.  It’s a good strategy, although you have to make sure your chain of command isn’t around to question the hour of your return… it is called a ‘lunch hour’ for a reason… apparently.

The walk along the river does give time to look back, review and plan ahead.  A kind of mental spring cleaning.  I think it’s certainly time to step back from those things that are causing pain, as they have already done, and stop stalking ideals.

The resolutions are going fairly well too, with the following updates;

Get Fit
Apart from a small period of time with the bust finger, I have managed to get to the gym on a fairly regular basis so far.  Weights in the morning, swimming during the lunch break.

Thankfully my weight has actually started dropping and I am now under the 80kg mark!  The unfortunate side affect of this is trousers that now have a habit of migrating South, which is not clever when you have your hands full at the time.

Two Belts
I am sooo close to my next belt I can almost taste it, however I still need to sort out some stuff before I get the elusive strip of coloured fabric.  Somewhat frustrating, probably as much to my Sensei as it is to me!

Get Offline
My usage of MSN and facebook, very recently, has dropped to very minimal levels.  Some of this is due to circumstance, but I took it as an opportunity; every silver lining has a cloud… or words to that effect. 

Looking forward to the days getting a little longer so I can start getting the mountain bike out and around the Country Park, in the evenings, with some mates.  Definite spring developing in the step, even if it is in the wake of a winter in metaphorical terms as well as seasonal.

I am not quite sure how to start this week off, whether I already have in a purely theological sense, or how it will finish.

If there is one thing that sums up life at the moment, like a modern day version of the parable, it’s the game ’Parking Wars’ on facebook.  The point of the game is to shuffle your cars around, trying not to get fined and keeping ahead of your friends.

Personal pride seems to keep you shuffling these cars around, never-endingly, otherwise somebody could overtake you on the leader board.  There’s no other element to the game.. just keep moving.

Methinks a deletion of this app is on the books, I need to get a little more control of things.  This, and some other apps on facebook as well.  Actually I have already started the process in that I am no longer socially taggable.

Going round on the Bike this weekend gave me LOTS of time to think things through, do some personal assessment and generally clear cobwebs.  Unfortunately the Biking was at the cost of some chill out time with friends, but sometimes we seem destined to follow in the wake of others and ride the consequences of their decisions.

However, plans for the week are as follows;

• Finally get back to the Gym, after a week off because of the busted finger, and get back into the rhythm of early starts.  Doing weights BEFORE work definitely gets you more alert for what it throws at you.
• Carry on, *not* as usual, with Karate.  Unfortunately my elation, at getting a medal at the tournament, has encountered the rather hard object that is realism.  I seem to have hit a bit of a personal ceiling in my abilities, and unless I can push through that I am destined to not progress any further through the belts.
• As much as possible, try and fade a little more into the background.  My presence, to some, seems to be a source of discomfort and this is something that I never want to cause.  So it’s time to reduce my ‘presence’ and re-schedule my life.

We’ll see how successful I am by the end of the week.

..and the ‘theological’ reference?  Well I was informed, by the lights of my loin, that the school’s local shaman has proclaimed that Sunday is the start of the week.  I am up for being corrected, but my recollection of the Bible was that God rested on the seventh day and the God botherers thought; “Well if HE needs a rest on the seventh day, then who are we to do otherwise?” …and thus Sunday was born”.

So whilst my body whimpers on the Monday it, apparently, should really have been whimpering on the Sunday instead.  Please feel free to correct my delusions…

Somewhat quiet week, with the usual routine; Gym, Swim, Karate and inevitable home-based dramas.

So it was on with the happy face for the outside world whilst desperately trying to sort out those home-based dramas.  Unfortunately some people are blessed with a keener sense of other peoples underlying emotions.. or an anti-bullshit detector, call it what you will.

Therefore the “Are you OK Andy, you seem a bit…. down?” question threw me somewhat.  I think the mumbled, somewhat incoherent, reply didn’t fool anybody.

Remind never to play poker with that particular person!!

I find myself uninspired this morning, and late yesterday afternoon in fact.  This little post has had several titles and even more first paragraphs, and still I can’t quite find the words to type!  I *was* going to put something about the new design, etc., and how this will allow me to put new stuff on the blog, but after the twentieth edit and rewriting… I kinda gave up!

Forgot tea bags for work this morning, and the gym session was spoiled by having to take upto 30 minutes to park the car in the works multi-storey car park (strange mutterings were heard from my car regarding the car parking monkies who were not exactly doing a sterling job in getting the traffic flowing).

On the good news front, I have finally found the P45 from my previous employers so I should hopefully stop being strangled by the taxman on my next wage packet – woohoo!  I have also remembered to bring my Christmas pressie, a copy of the book “Bringing nothing to the party: true confessions of a new media whore” by Paul Carr which I blogged about earlier. 

I shall give you a review of the book when it has been consumed.

Apart from that, I can’t think what to type.. as I said, completely uninspired!