Andy's Blog

There’s a mental image running around my head that would speak far more volumes than any number of words could convey in how things are at the moment.  Sometimes, and only sometimes, words are easy

…but not enough.. or way too much.

I’ve spoken before about how a song, a snippet of lyrics taken out of context, an image, or some other medium, provide a far more accurate and personal reflection of self at a point in time.

I won’t try and put into words what the mental image is, inoffensive as it is, as that seems counter intuitive. Maybe later, when I have some personal time, I will search for something that matches it on the big, bad, t’interweb… or, god forbid, put my artistic abilities to the test and actually translate from mental image to physical medium.

Until then I’ll share one of the ‘lyrics out of context’, that I mentioned earlier.  It’s from a song by Madness and perversely it’s probably the one bit that makes the song sound darker than it’s actual intent – which is exactly the opposite;

Standing up in the falling down
In so much rain I could almost drown.

If I ever do manage to scribble the image down I’ll make sure to add it to the blog… maybe.  However now seems a perfect time to plug in some headphones, hit ‘random’ on the playlist, and see if I can either create some new audible monuments or just lose self in the moment.

…not a unique sentiment at the moment!

Another night out doing karate, another bloggable post about conversations had outside afterwards, and some before we’d even left the hall!

Now I’ve sat here trying to put into words the double-entendre’s, shocking  invites and phallic’ising of an innocent wireless card.. but, frankly, even I can’t put *THAT* into words, so I won’t

Some things, as the title suggests, are just better left unsaid.

“Someday” indeed..

If the week was on a sliding scale, measuring how well it had gone, it would definitely be pointing to the middle ’neutral’ ground.

From swings deep into the negative at the beginning of the week with the loss of a friend, not in the bereaved sense of the word, to swings in the other direction with the re-discovery of old friends.

From work and injury managing to stop me attending senior karate classes this week, although the positive is that work is finally starting to get interesting, to finally getting the spark back when presented with a pencil and a blank canvas; Although for some reason when presented with a blank photoshop canvas and a mouse I only seem able to doodle little cartoons… What’s going on there?

I have even started baking thanks to the ever helpful Mr Evans (@phevans).

However, I still can’t shake the feeling that the negatives will be deeper felt than the positives.  Methinks it’s time to go-a-visiting next week, and finally fulfill some long outstanding beer promises, to play catch up and revisit simpler times.

…of course the scales can also extend to the “Oh shit, noooooo!” end of the spectrum, especially when you learn of  ‘Jade Goody the musical‘!

Its either time to emigrate or await the four horses of the apathetic apocalypse with open arms.

Sometimes a single, simple, yet profound remark or post lifts a veil on a person’s underlying sadness, or anger, that with hindsight was probably always on display but not understood.

A little while ago, in one of my darker moods, i had updated my facebook status to “Andy thinks honesty, wrapped in humour, is sometimes the best deception” thinking that this was a self defense mechanism unique to myself.  In the cold, crisp, Autumn daylight this ‘seems’ to be more universal than I had imagined.

Some people had questioned my use of the word ‘deception’, but I did then, and still do now, think it was the right word.  The deception is always two-fold, and for the most part done with the best of intentions;

There is always the human need to share your feelings with others, whether it be good or bad news, but also to protect those people we are opening up to.  We never intentionally want others to feel bad or worried for or about us, so protect them with a joke, a lessening of the impact that the news is having on us.

More importantly, we are to a certain extent trying to deceive ourselves.  We don’t want to believe that the situation has gotten to the point we find ourselves in. If we can make light of it, then it can’t be all that bad… can it?

Unfortunately all we can do, in situations like this, is to stand back, hope that things are not as bad as they seem, but be available whenever needed and to earn the badge; “friend”