My life would look sooooo much more interesting, than it is in real life, if some stranger were ever to read the texts on my phone and assume the rest of my life was the same.
In my text life I am, well quite frankly, some form of sexual god or at least a successful perv… which is somewhat worrying. To date I am;
- A sexy woman’s “first man”
- Able to call favours upon another young woman, although to be fair there was some very specific small print in that text.
- The recipient of updates regarding the state of dress, or lack thereof, of some bloke stuck on the M25. Dave, please, stop!
- ..and who can forget the offer of some fun in the car park!
Unfortunately, or fortunately in the case of item 3, there were no pictures attached to any of these. It also has to be said that had I not deleted some texts before and after these specific ones, the context of the above may be somewhat different to the way they are read individually …apart from item 3! Seriously! Dave!
Finally if that imagined person who is reading my texts didn’t know what a Sensei was, there are some serious inbreeding issues in certain parts of Northampton town, then my texts could read like me being some EXTREMELY busy prostitute reporting back to my pimp. The mind boggles as to what stock I’m buying for that little venture then!
Ah well, unless you see me hanging around street corners in a natty little skirt, which has been known… the skirt wearing that is… well kilt… HONESTLY IT’S A KILT! …then just assume that my normal hum-drum life is still nowhere as exciting as my textual one :-/
Although one can but dream.