Life, as the old 80′s song insists, is what you make it.. which is a somewhat sobering thought as I look out over a rain drenched Abington Park.
There are many things that both friends and family will quote at you, in wordishly wise ways, and sometimes with a zen-like look on their face and voice; but however much you shake a stick at it, and this is probably age related (another year, another candle to burn), sometimes you just need to drop back, find your own space, crank up the music that defines your here-and-now and…..
…and? Well you’ll know what works for you, as for me, I am still mid “and…’ing”.
It’s true, I have reached a kind of prolonged brain-fart. The brain is whirring around, as much as it ever does, the fingers are itchy to put something down in words, but all that comes out is some slightly stale air.
As much as I want to jot down the daily doings of me, in some kind of narcissistic ‘dear diary’, the truth is that not an awful lot of interest happens. Life certainly isn’t in any shape or form as life-and-death as Ann Frank’s, or as tally-ho-trousers-down-and-up-the-constituents as Alan Clark’s.
So I find myself, during lunchtime at work, again within one of the music pods, sitting in front of this blog wondering what the hell to write down? Life, as I see it, is pretty much consisting of the following;
Work is work. I work in a Bank designing computer systems, how exactly exciting do you think that can get? Of course, the slightly annoying element of me being no longer required come 31st December does cause some concern… but 31st DECEMBER?! That’s like a lifetime away! (feel free to point me in the direction of this post in 2011 and rub my face in it if things don’t entirely work out the way I hope)
Karate is still providing the source of me getting beaten up in various, and intriguing, ways by multiple peoples. Just as an aside a new lesson has been learnt; do NOT do leg exercises at the Gym just before a karate lesson later that evening. The results are not impressive and the scowling by ones Sensei is something frightening to behold.
Home-life is home-life. Trying to resolve the latest home based dramas; house, heating, repairs, family arguments, money, etc, etc. is starting to feel like work. In the spirit of holding my hand up though, this is no different than anyone else. However the feeling of just throwing the arms up in the air with some of the new drama’s and say “Fine, I give up, have it your way!” is just too strong at the moment.
Sleep is not sleep. ‘Nuff said.
Go back to step #1
In my actual verbal self I am a person who doesn’t mind not having something to say. I am completely comfortable, when I have nothing of interest to say, in saying nothing at all. I don’t have the gift of the gab or have a hundred and one amusing anecdotes with which to regale friends and colleagues alike, and as seen from the above there’s nothing of note to bore the poor person I happen to be with about.
I just wish I had the same control when it came to blogging, although why blog in the first place if that were to be the case? Here’s as good a place as any to dump any brain-fartage and it’s not as though anyone reads the thing!
There, “ramble” done and dumped onto the t’interweb along with all the other rubbish that inhabit it. No violence (or at least none seen), or porn (that would be too terrifying a vision to dwell on) or conclusion to this post….
…just a faint stale smell, depending on how long after I posted this you read it, and a slightly relieved feeling on my part to expel it albeit somewhat publicly (which is very rude).
Trying to make decisions whilst listening to a late ’70s punk band’s only number one track is not the cleverest thing to do. It’s certainly not providing any answers, only verbalising the question in a rather more tuneful way… I am beginning to think I am looking for answers in all the wrong places!
Methinks I will need to seek some guidance from my learned colleagues on this one, in a discrete but painfully embarrassing (for me anyways) manner.
….and no, this is not anything serious, just cause-n-effect mitigation!
I am in a fairly chipper mood today, the weekend was a good one for more reasons than can be written here, and I was called the ‘poodles undercarriage’ at work this morning – which I am taking as a good thing! Please don’t pop my self delusional bubble if this is not entirely correct :-/
I also have the nicest of quandries to deal with at the moment too. It certainly came right out of the blue and has boosted my… confidence? ego? mojo? To be honest I am not sure what it has boosted, but it *has* boosted whatever it is and given me a certain spring to the step.
…and the quandry? Well it does mean that I have to take a very definitive step over a line that I have resisted stepping over before, and is something not done lightly or without proper consideration.
In other news: The weight is now done to 82kg, or 12stone 9lbs for the more empirical amongst you, and I am now looking like a “long streak of piss” according to a friend (again, the optimist in me is taking the self delusional route and seeing that as a good thing).
Karate is also going particularly well, although the last lesson I went to made more muscles than I knew I had scream in collective pain, at least I didn’t make the usual fool of myself whilst sparring!
Consequently, the current mood music is “Same Direction” by Hoobastank which needs to be played VERY loudly and preferably whilst driving/riding at speed to get its full effect… my taste in music is definitely on the heavier side of the tracks at the moment
Now is the time for big decisions to be made, or maybe ever-so-slightly later due to waiting for the right time to broach the subject and people to be available for their views.
It certainly feels like I am running to stay stood still at the moment, so I have decided to fill up the iPhone with an esoteric mix of music and have a wander around the local park to try and get some perspective and clear the head.
“Shuffle” mode on the iPhone is an interesting beast at the best of times, flicking from Fleetwood Mac to Metallica and then onto early Genesis – try setting your mood to THAT mix!
