Andy's Blog

There is a certain assumption when using a simple technology like the telephone that what you communicate from one end will be repeated in the same manner on the other end.  You can be fairly sure that when you speak down the phone the recipient isn’t going to be hearing Donald Duck or Popeye like vocal inflections making lewd comments

….Unless, of course, that’s your particular “thang” – but let’s not go there… well at least not in public… call me… later…

The problem is that phones are no longer a “simple technology”, especially the mobile ones, they are made by a variety of different manufacturers with all kinds of whizz-bangery wonderfulness that you can now do with them.  I don’t know about you, but my phone is more of a portable internet device that, sometimes, does voice as well.

We just kinda assume that they’ll still function like our old phone though; what you speak or write on your side will be reproduced faithfully on the other side… Uuuuunfortunately it t’aint always so.  One phone’s nice little cute smilies aren’t quite the same on another manufacturers phone.

The resultant confusion can make for some very interesting conversations though, and very possibly a surprising visit from someone who’s just gotten a very wrong idea.  That is of course if the recipient tends to see the risqué version of a particular textual rendering… which is pretty much all of those with an extra Y chromosome in their particular DNA strand.  So please, dear female reader, please remember to be careful out there.

Don’t be too surprised if you text this , from a Blackberry, to a male of the species, who doesn’t own a Blackberry, when you receive the following…

8====D

“Ah“, said the screen, “I think you’re at the ‘Losing my religion’ phase…”

Which is a slightly strange thing to read, especially as I never had ‘religion’ in the first place.  There is a heart dropping moment when you feel that the next bit of advise to come your way is about how God will magically come along and fix things for you if only you believe hard enough, visit his house on a regular basis, put pennies in his coffers, read his biography, and mumble to yourself with your hands clapped reverently in front of you.

Well that did flit through my mind briefly and was then rudely drowned out by a mandolin that started playing in my head and the image of some bloke dancing like he’s had all the bones removed from his body.

Support forums are a strange land to inhabit.  Sitting in front the computer screen talking with someone you’ve never met about where to stick your personal “use by” tag and whether it really should be “best before” (split decision on this between being a physical or mental age requirement) or “display until” (we shan’t dwell on the conclusion as to when and where that sticker should be placed on your person). Continue reading

Julie McKinnon was the unrequited love of my teenage years.  Long blonde hair, legs that seemed to stretch forever (and the fashion back in the 80′s was for tight jeans!), and killer looks. *Sigh*… give me a moment.

…just a little longer

OK, back again.

Unfortunately back then I was a bigger Muppet than I am now, hard to believe I know, and my body would do its very best to make me look as idiotic as possible whenever she approached;

• Remove all fluids from mouth?  Check!
• Rush of blood to the facial area?  Check!
• Independently sprung limbs?  Check!
• Brain cells evacuated through ears?  Check!
• Sudden growth spurt on chin hair to enforce that ‘Shaggy from Scooby Doo’ look?  Check!
• Zits?  Check, check and for good measure, check!

Yeah, as you can imagine I was HUGELY popular with the ladies when I was younger, especially with that little gamut of reactions – it was almost Adrian Mole‘ish!  The end point being that I never did get the nerve to ask the delightful Julie out.

The point of all this?  Only a salutary tale for a certain younger member of my readership that your first steps into, and out of, affairs of the heart can sometimes be strewn with cowpats from the devil’s own satanic herd.

Unfortunately it doesn’t always get easier when you grow up, but as the old adage goes “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have tried and wonder what if”… or something like that.

I feel all old and wise now… well maybe not wise, but certainly old… and flatulent.. I think I’ve just described myself as Yoda?

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
~ Woody Allen

Goddamit, one post at the beginning of this month and I am now only just starting to think of another post at the arse end of the month.  Well that’s not entirely true, there was a post in progress somewhere near the middle which never saw the light of day for various reasons; the primary being it was rubbish.

Of course I still can’t think of anything to write although a lots gone on;

• The chance to see, chat, laugh, drink and celebrate with Parents, Brothers, Sisters, Nephews, Nieces, Cousins, even the ever-itchy footed one, Aunts and Uncles down in Andover for the wedding of my cousin Josie.
• Round two of the GKR Inter-Dojo Drinkie-Poo’s, with its tagline of “be there or be sober!”
• Sun, sun and yet more sun.  Seriously it’s been sunny here!
• Hospital visits and probes.
• ….and probably a few more things that I can’t remember right at this moment.  Maybe I should write these things down?

For some reason, and it was badly written in the unpublished post, I still feel slightly “empty” this month.  The feeling that something is slightly out of your reach and no matter how much you strive for it, it is just that wee bit quicker than what you are.  It’s not always something that tangible either.

The unpublished post was titled “Well I wish I was…” which was a slightly ironic title based on a mucky song that my dad had on a vinyl record back when I was a young whipper-snapper.  The song’s a bit whimsical and British sea-side postcard humour’ish, but the sentiment was what stuck.  I’m not going to attempt to re-iterate what was in there as I couldn’t finish that one, and I want to at least get something posted before the end of this month!

Not entirely sure there’s a point to this post, but I shall attempt to bring my head back to the here-and-now and focus on some personal milestones that are coming up far quicker than I can entirely grasp.  May and June *could* be momentous times in my development and I need to get my shite together, as a friend once eloquently put it.

I can’t help who I am, but I can do something about what I want to be…. maybe.

Laters…

I feel like this sometimes..

I am angry and pissed off.  Not something I am usually either of very often.

Sitting here with the music playing very loudly and very fast.  The choice of listening material is probably not a very good one for climbing out of this mood, but Iron Maiden is suiting me very well at the moment.

There is a certain requirement on my part to maintain a number of ‘faces’; normal, work, karate and mine.  Each of these having a time when they come out and to compartmentalise what I am really thinking, to switch off, to almost ignore the realities of some situations.  What’s probably a little worrying is that the private ‘face’ is starting to look like Eddie in the picture here; angry and more than a little unreasonable.

It’s probably a good idea to find a little ‘steam venting’ diversion somewhere and get back to a more sociable face.  Maybe just after this..

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uq6Ax-zzkQ&ob=av3nm

…maybe

*Sigh*

Why is it that an exceptionally good weekend can be so easily spoilt by one person’s stream of abuse over MSN?  I am still unclear as to what started this off originally, I am even more unclear as to why it’s continuing…

…and I am totally unsure as to how I should deal with this in the future!

Well, I didn’t think it possible, but the week has ended more shittily than it started! So on top of the heightened levels of fucked off, confused and unhappy we can now add being made to feel like a fool..

..I just can’t wait until next week to see what that brings!

Fucked off, thoroughly confused and miserable… Great start to the week