Confidence
As with all things relating to me, this is another aspect of my personality that is not straight forward or easy to button down. “Confidence” I find is a corporeal thing which pops up in the strangest places, and at other times buggars off when you need it most.
In work related items I am extremely confident; I know what I know, and I know them very well. I have the confidence and conviction in my skillsets to deal with the majority of issues that are thrown towards me, and more importantly the confidence to hold my hand up to those things I don’t know and ask for help from my colleagues.
However in other areas of life I find myself pausing, that corporealness doing the “buggaring off” I mentioned earlier. This is probably not unique to myself, but is a constant source of “sadness” and frustration.
There are few things going on where I need that confidence, but where I find myself doing that “pause”. As ever other factors come into play, nothing’s ever *THAT* easy, and a huge amount of uncertainty as to how the other partie(s) will react. So life is, currently, in that “paused” state and the status quo prevails – even if unhappily for me.
However, as mentioned in previous posts, this is something that I have long lived with and have built up an extremely thick skin for the things that life has thrown at me, and an oblique view on life. This obliqueness has given me a certain “kismet” attitude, which allows me to go “OK, if this is as good as I can have – then I will live with that and be satisfied with it”.
Probably not an entirely healthy attitude… or is it?
