Andy's Blog

“Ah“, said the screen, “I think you’re at the ‘Losing my religion’ phase…”

Which is a slightly strange thing to read, especially as I never had ‘religion’ in the first place.  There is a heart dropping moment when you feel that the next bit of advise to come your way is about how God will magically come along and fix things for you if only you believe hard enough, visit his house on a regular basis, put pennies in his coffers, read his biography, and mumble to yourself with your hands clapped reverently in front of you.

Well that did flit through my mind briefly and was then rudely drowned out by a mandolin that started playing in my head and the image of some bloke dancing like he’s had all the bones removed from his body.

Support forums are a strange land to inhabit.  Sitting in front the computer screen talking with someone you’ve never met about where to stick your personal “use by” tag and whether it really should be “best before” (split decision on this between being a physical or mental age requirement) or “display until” (we shan’t dwell on the conclusion as to when and where that sticker should be placed on your person). Continue reading

Some peoples stomach drop when they see them on the doorstep, some get angry, whilst others stand and listen with a kind of pained patience.  Me on the other hand actively look forward to their little visits, although I have an uncomfortable feeling they’ve been warned about me.

Jehovah’s Witnesses.  Charles Taze Russell’s door-to-door God botherers.  Read on, dear readers, for the troozers 3 golden rules for dealing with the watch tower inhabitants;

A bright cheery “Helloooo!” always puts them on the back foot, and the look of surprise mixed with what-have-we-got-here that flits over their face is a joy to behold.
Rule #1: Always be polite, excessively so.

Apparently “Who?” is somewhat frowned upon, within the Jehovah community, as a reply to their “We are here to spread the message of God”.
Rule #2: Be joyously dim.

“Ahh, you’re an Atheist”.  Now there’s not a lot you can come back with after an accusation like that, however “No, I always stand like this” is a golden classic that can be used in almost any situation…

“Wait, No…  What…?”

Ah the blessed Rule #2 never disappoints or fail to deliver upon its promise.

Of course the above is just but a part of a longer, slightly more tedious conversation about religion, ethics and morality.  Not that ethics or morality are tedious topics but the “divine righteousness” of one side precluded any form of argument or view to the contrary.

“Let me ask you a hypothetical question; If the laws of the land were suspended for one day and you were able to kill without fear of prosecution, would you do it?”

The reply, of course, went along the lines of God seeing and judging all and some place called Devon not opening its gates to you, who knew Devon had gates made out of Elizabeth Hurley?  (I have a feeling I misheard this section of their reply)…. and there in lies the rub; Some of us wouldn’t kill cos it’s just not a nice thing to do, whilst others have to have some invisible overseer and a threat of goodies being removed to stop them.

Which is the more ethical or moral standpoint?
Rule #3: Be comfortable in being responsible for your own actions.

I think 1) I may have blown my chance for yet more doorstep theological discussions in the forseeable future, or at least until they get more raw recruits in, and 2) that there’s a VERY special place in hell for me somewhere… although of course that is one thing that both the Jehovah’s and myself have in common; No belief in hell.
(Unofficial Rule #3a: a little knowledge about your door-stepper is always nice).

I am beginning to come round to Sam Harris‘s view that “Atheist” isn’t a term I should be labelling myself with, after all there’s no term for someone who doesn’t believe in Zeus so why have a label for something you are NOT, surely you should be labelled for something you ARE?

As my new found friends leave my doorstep to wander back down the drive I have a feeling that I may have picked a fair few labels after all, and some of them may not be considered entirely Christian either :-/

Toodles…

There are very few rules to be followed when visiting the toilet and these rules tend to be unwritten and, certainly for use of the men’s toilet, more in the form of an etiquette to be followed; such as which urinal you choose and where the eyes should remain focused, etc.

Speaking on the mobile is definitely one of these unwritten rules, and you have to wonder what the person on the other end of the phone is thinking as they hear the background noise to the scintillating conversation the offender is engaged in.

Unfortunately the toilets at my workplace only come in pairs, so I was slighly surprised as the big Indian chap waddled up next to me with mobile clamped between ear and shoulder and proceeded to ‘do the business’ in the toilet next to me…. and chat… whilst, disconcertingly, have his head angled such that it looked like he was having a damn good ogle at my splendour!

Actual Script;

Me       : "Excuse me!?"
Him      : "Yes?"... (moves head to look me in the face)
Sound FX : Plop!
Both     : (look down to see mobile in urinal being peed upon)
Him      : "Shiiiiiiittt!"
Me       : (laugh)
Phonee   : "Hello?"

 

My previous stated Atheism may have to be revised, as I now believe there *MUST* be a God after all

For the longest time, whenever a census came round or a questionnaire required filling in, I always wrote “Christian” in the box labelled “Faith”.  This was always unthinkingly and without giving much consideration as to what this meant.  I wasn’t muslim or hindhu, I had very little idea what it meant to be agnostic and I thought I believed in something; so couldn’t be athiest.

However over the last couple of years I really started to think about faith and what it meant to be “Christian”.  The problem was in the fact that I just didn’t believe there was some omnipotent being ‘somewhere’ in space watching everything I did.  I also believed that when I die, I would be worm food, rather than transcend my body into heaven – and what was wrong with that?  Worms need to feed too!

I started to, privately, label myself as agnostic.  I thought I believed in something, just not the faintly ridiculous God that would be preached to me on the odd occassion I did go to Church (baptisms, marriages, deaths, etc).  In fact on a number of these occassions I felt I had wandered into a Monty Python sketch;

Ooooh God, you are so big,
so absolutely huge,
Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here, I can tell you.
Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying…

However, in the past month I have come to the realisation that I am neither of these but am in fact an atheist.  There, all said and done!  So I can happily walk around without having to justify ridiculousness such as intelligent design, extreme pro-lifers, women and homosexuals being some form of ‘sub-human’, and the list goes on…

A lot of these views have been cemented (notice the boldening, it was only a cementing not a conversion) whilst reading “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins, which I found to be a bloody good read, when not wandering into the realms of Fundamentalist Atheism in some places (..also I think he is bidding for entry into the Guiness Book of Records for the most use of the word “zeitgeist” in one of the chapters).

Anyways, I have now “come out of the closet” as it were and trying to understand how this plays out with the work I do with the Scouts… after all, the main promise for the scouts is;

I promise to do my best, and to love God

How can you love something that does not exist?  Interesting times (..and my longest post to date!)