Andy's Blog

“What do you mean LOCAL anaesthetic!?”

Well the deed is done, for now, and the ungainly growth inhabiting the area next to my ear has been gouged out and sent off to some other area of quackery for analysis and biopsy.

I am now left with a nice long scar beside my ear, nine stitches long I’ll have you know, and a face that feels strangely stretched.  It also feels, unstrangely, like its been battered around the room a few times; somewhat, dare I say it, feeling worse than the usual battering(s) I receive from my Sensei.

Currently popping pills to help the whole process along as well as attempting this strange concept called ‘sleep’, not altogether successfully though.

Oh, and the very nice quack like person who wielded the scalpel to my noggin got my reflections on the suitability of the word “Ooops” during said scalpel/head combination… THAT’S why I should always be given a general anaesthetic!

Parties to go to, a level of expectation to attend, and I just can’t get the energy to go.

In all honesty this is probably just me being overly self-indulgent; but also to a certain extent tiredness, popped pills making me feeling like crap, so much so I nearly had an ‘episode’ during my karate lesson today, and a smidgeon of worry about the thought of a section of my head being gauged out.

Which I suppose is perfectly natural and all part of being of the male fraternity, as most women would have you believe!

To some personal time then..

Apparently Basal Cell Carcinoma (usually shortened down to BCC, which makes it sound like an addendum to an email)  is the most common form of skin cancer… which is slightly insulting as I have it and I like to think of myself as a little more exotic than that!

*sigh* t’would seem even the malignant things that rudely hitch a ride on me have to make some form of social comment on my standing within the community!

As the good Doctor said, thankfully before I started to have a major freak-on, it’s a VERY mild form of Cancer and is very treatable; so I shall be visiting the local quack this coming Monday to have the little bastard cut away from its current abode near my right ear.

Rather amusingly the Doctor was concerned that I would be more worried about the scar it would leave next to my ear than the actual carcinoma.  Whilst I understand that marring the physical perfection that is my face would worry humanity in general, I can’t help but feel excited at possibly looking ‘a little harder’ to match the, admittedly self-delusional, macho karate killer persona I have built up.

What’s more worrying, alarming, depressing, and a multitude of other ‘-ing’ words is the thought of having to stay at home post-op with only Jeremy Kyle and other daytime TV delights…. and I know which is the worserer (sic) of the two evils

Not firing at one hundred percent at the moment, which is really rather annoying.

It’s always said that the things that matter most are hard won but easily lost, and this seems to be happening somewhat frequently with only one thing constant; yours truly.  So the blame seems to lie in one place only and am not entirely sure what to do about that.

In the meantime the goal of nearly 5 years hard, and sometimes frustrating, work is starting to look like it may be achievable.

Nothing is ever guaranteed, of course, but as Lao Tzu wrote; “A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”.  So time to put one, solitary, foot in front of the other and see whether this now personal journey gets me to where I want to go..

..minus those hard won and easily lost.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so. Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone. Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over.

Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change. Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered.

Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

Not entirely sure where this originates from, but I decided to make free with it after seeing it as a facebook status update by young Mr O’Farrell… and reproduced here for your viewing pleasure

I am not the world’s greatest conversationalist, and to be honest I am more than comfortable with silence.

I always try and find at least a small part of the day to just sit back, sometimes with a book, and just listen to nothing.  To divorce yourself from the day-to-day, from the hassles, the grind, the daily demands on your time, the responsibilities you seemed to have gathered around yourself without even knowing… If only for a little time.

So have a little silence on me.  A little you time to sit back, do nothing, contemplate and chill.

T’was a 6am start this cold bitter morn’, not a creature was stirring… apart from yours truly in a bleary eyed funk as I had work to do and needed to be in the West Midlands before 8am to fart around with a number of websites of various flavours.

Search and ye shall find plenty of whinging on this fine blog about my absolute loathing of the early hours, and today is no different.  Laptops of varying sizes slung around my person and boldly step outside to greet the day with a heartfelt “Fookin’ hell it’s COLD!”

This lad is ugly (er) without the blessed bean coursing through my veins so a visit to the nearest Starbucks is always a must have pitstop as I potter up the M6.

I like Christmas, I really do.  However walking into the Service Station to be greeted with a profusion of Christmas decorations, Christmas themed goodies that can be purchased (complete with snowflakes, snowmen, santas, and the like) *AND* cheery Christmas songs blaring over the speakers IN NOVEMBER is extracting the urine somewhat.

I can’t help but feel that by the time Christmas ACTUALLY comes around that the 8 weeks of relentless ramming down my throat will perhaps have jaded me to the whole thing.  Of course this could just be my caffeine retarded body having an early morning gripe…. nah!

Bah-Feckin’-Humbug ya bastard shops!

…I feel somewhat better already.

I’ve had enough of being an adult for the moment, so I am sat down with The Complete Collection of Bill Watterson’s excellent Calvin & Hobbes comic strips.  There are worse ways to develop an ethos on which to live your life, but no better way to just chill at the end of a long day.

I’ve been reading these for the past few days, and have even plagiarised some of their more memorable quotes, which seems to have been taken rather more literally than I had originally anticipated.  Ah well, you can’t always help what others decide what you’re all about.

So I’ll continue to be the quiet one in the corner, to be the idiot on the internet, to make sure I always go “Oof” at the right time, to be the pain in the ass when your room begins to fester, to be the geek who’ll fix your PC, to smile at the pants, to step aside without complaint… but more importantly, and outside of your conception, the big kid I’ve always been on the inside.

As the Chris Antonak quote goes; “Aging is mandatory, maturity is optional.”