My arms ache. The back of my thighs ache. My shoulders aren’t feeling too grand either. Even my damned eyes are feeling a little peeky! Essentially easy tasks, like going up stairs, now seem to have taken on epic journey status.
Add to the above list of bodily whinings; my Gi seems to have developed sentience, through the shear amount of DNA sweated into it, and is at this moment in time hatching a cunning plan, with my sparring gear, to escape from my karate bag.
..there is also the very distinct possibility that a number of people have a sneakily taken picture of my nads, in an effort to prove or disprove an old Scottish custom.
Welcome to my first Blackbelt Leadership Conference. To try and put down into words what I learnt at the conference is just not possible, or needs a lot more space than I am physically able to provide… I did mention about my aching arms didn’t I?
Let’s just say having two days of being in a room full of black belts, of a dizzying array of dans, being taught by Kancho was terrifying and I still haven’t managed to stop grinning yet! That despite me losing more sweat than is probably healthy and is currently causing the washing machine all kinds of headaches at the moment.
What made the weekend that more special, other than the excellent karate, was the other lessons learnt. Namely;
- Boom-shakalaka is a power word …I am still trying to understand *what* a power word is, but I now know what one sounds like.
- All that looks like stone is not necessarily so.
- Mint and Pea should never, and I repeat NEVER, have unprotected sex and leave their prodigy in my soup bowl ever again.
- That the sentence “..let yourself go and feel yourself release” should be a lot more qualified when trying to hypnotise a roomful of black belts; the air extraction units had some trouble dealing with this “release”.
- The smells and tastes forced upon us in childhood have a profound impact on our adulthood; one person’s tinned new potatoes is another persons gristle-laden lamb (…this is probably the deepest I will get in this blog post!)
- All that looks like chocolate cake is not necessarily so.
- Trying to find a witty retort, or any retort, to someone’s breakfast admission that they were complimented on the pinkness of their anus is really a lot harder than you can imagine. Just…. don’t go there.
- “Going behind the bushes” had a different connotation when I was younger… boy did I come down to earth with a bump!
- Somebody’s birthday present, next year, will physically bring a tear to their eye… and a look of horror to anyone who witnesses it.
- Wedding guests have THE longest orgy ever… that or the people in the hotel room next to mine were just loudly agreeing with each other and never actually arriving anywhere.
I’m not sure I will get invited to the conference next year, but I bloody well hope so. It was a real highlight of the year and awe inspiring to watch the higher grades do karate as it’s meant to be done, and watching Sensei get some rich reward for the work he’s put into the region.
..however, for me now I have a date with a so-hot-it’ll-sear-your-skin-off bath and a bed where I don’t have to listen to people humping. Toodle-pip!