Andy's Blog

For this, I will die!

“Ach, ya up ya aen arse Andy!”…. and with that, everything came back into focus.

Everybody has a way with dealing with internal issues such as Psychiatrists, Drink, Drugs, Depression, Family or people you can talk earnestly with and have them say soothing words in a kindly way…

…Me, I have a Glaswegian mate, in a permanent bad mood cos he’s having to live in Edinburgh, who calls me an “arse” (amongst many other things) and tells me stuff in a VERY direct way!  No soothing words to be found here, but definitely a knife through a self-imposed funk.

Thanks mate

In somewhat of a dark mood at the moment.  This tends not to be a usual state of affairs, although reading back on some of my previous posts that would seem to be a wee bit of a lie, however I do tend to try and look on the brighter side of life.  My usual way of describing myself would tend to bear this out;

6’1, Blonde, Idiot

Or how others describe me;

Muppet
Lurch
Long piece of damp string with knots in it

However every so often, having to internally deal with all the home-based drama’s and other concerns, the mood does turn darker and you allow yourself to dwell on your own insecurities, anger, sadness, self-worth and direction.  Not a glorious thing to behold or admit to, and probably not a very healthy way to proceed, but it’s a mechanism that works for me.

No dramatic outward signs fortunately.  Just, as friends who know me well will testify, a withdrawal into myself, an avoidance of others for a while, a quietness and a losing of oneself into work or activities (gym, swimming, karate, computer) and more importantly music.

Currently listening to the soundtrack of ‘Batman Begins’ by Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard.  Deliciously dark and, as all music written by Hans Zimmer, powerful.

Normal service will resume shortly, with all issues buried out of sight once more..

Back to work after a week off whilst the kids were on half-term holiday… *sigh*

Most of my time is being spent trawling through 253 unread emails, most of which seem annoyingly similar in nature to what Mr Clayton-Bull terms a ‘pathetic use of email‘.

If you see me on MSN or facebook today, PUULEEEAAASEEE drop me a line to save me from this inanity.

Edit: Leaving me a facebook wall message, or an MSN message, informing me that “ha ha I am on holiday in a hot country” is not the type of get-my-mind-off-work message I was looking for!

Damn, buggaration and hell’s teeth with a side order of arse!   Let your guard down for one minute and the dreamer in yourself dares to take a wander down paths that it really should know better than to wander down.  The sharp poke up the jacksie as you read about the contents of an Inbox seems particularly harsh and you can almost hear your inner realist laugh somewhat evilly as you realise; I’ll never be the recipient of one of those…

*sigh*

There’s something strangely comforting about portraying your personal dilemma’s in a Stephen Fry style voice and mannerism, which I will dub ‘Fryist Paracusia’ after a similar thing was discovered over at XKCD;

YES, this post is somewhat idiosyncratic and more than a little cryptic… but it’s my blog and I’ll splurge whatever rubbish takes my fancy.  If ya want the unadulterated version buy me a shedload of beers at a pub one night and I’ll spill the beans!

Till then…

Being a realist means that however much you would hope for one thing, you know that the complete opposite is true and base all the evidence in peoples actions, words and deeds upon that realism.  There is always the slight chance that you are wrong and completely misread the situation, however that tends to be the exception that proves the rule.

..and the ‘optimistic’ element in the title?  Well a person, however realistic, is allowed to dream and to escape into a moment where letting the tide dictate your direction produces a ray of hope.  The rude awakening up does usually follow the same routine of a sigh, a grin, a muttered “tit” to oneself under the breath, the throwing yourself into diversionary activities like karate, gym, swimming, Internet self abuse..

…and of course the hope that one day the optimist in yourself isn’t proved wrong by the realist

Not really a blog post as much as an apology and a blog version of elevator music whilst I try and put brain in gear and fingers to keyboard to update this blog for this week.

I am trying, very trying according to some, to ensure there is at least one post per week or more if I feel that something sufficiently interesting has happened.  Of course ‘interesting’ is subjective in this case, e.g. more interesting than the usual hum-drum dross i post.

To be honest quite a lot has happened, what with the great snow storm of 2009, fame finally coming my way, catching up with old friends and of course my usual state of complete and utter confusion with regards to life and the fleshy things that wander around within it.

Meanwhile, whilst you maintain this holding pattern, please cast your eyes towards the set of new icons about mid-way down the page on the right, under the title ‘Socialise Me’ (some people will get that joke), which has some links to my other online identities; some of which are still being played around with… such as blip.fm!

..and just to caress my vanity, and may prove somewhat amusing, I was googling my own nickname and came up with the following results (99% of the returned results are me – woohoo!), and google image results came up with the following (which is about 90% to do with me, although not always for completely obvious reasons).

Enjoy

That's me that is!

In an attempt to get myself vaguely more ‘flexible’, all in the interest of better karate you depraved lot, it was decided, along with a friend, to give yoga a twirl.  There was a lesson the next day, at about the right time, so why the heck not?

The following rules are for people who are just beginning their yoga journey, from two people who have just learnt these very important lessons;

1. Do not, I repeat NOT, scream in horror when you walk into a dimly lit room and see the floor full of old people laid out on mats.  It is not a mortuary, it is the initiated resting their karma before the yoga starts.
2. Poetry read by an instructor with a speech impediment is not a source of suppressed giggles and a reason for raising your eyes heavenwards.
3. Do NOTunder any circumstances look at the person you joined the yoga class with during the lesson.  Getting the giggles as you see the other person maintaining their ‘cosmic cat’ stance is seen as bad karma and not necessarily in the spirit of yoga’dom.
4. If at all possible try not looking at yourself in the mirror during the class, for same reasons as above.
5. The poses ‘Cosmic Cat’, ‘Locust’, ‘Warrior’, ‘Downward Facing Dog’ and the ‘using-your-arms-as-some kind-of -opening-flower’, fill your being with inner  peace and bring out your joyful, lovable self.  They do NOTmake you feel like some kind of leg raising eejit.  Keep reminding yourself of this as you go through the poses…. repeatedly… whilst being mindful of tips #3 & #4
6. During relaxation time, at the end of the lesson, with your eyes closed and ‘listening to your body’, remind yourself that the other noise you can hear is NOTsomebody snoring and reason for you to suppress a grin and shake with the ‘suppressed giggles’ mentioned in tip #2
7. Remember to have a pee BEFOREthe instructor takes you on a metaphysical journey along a babbling brook and towards the waterfall, this stops you going cross-eyed and scattering grannies as you rush to the toilet after the class.
8. Laughing at your colleagues face as she gets chatted up by the afore-mentioned speech impedimented instructor can seriously damage your health!

Following these simple, profound, tips will ensure that you have a happy and life fulfilling trip into the wonderful world of yoga, and as mentioned before bring out the joyful and lovable self in you.

You have to laugh at the screaming headlines in the majority of the ‘newspapers’ here in the UK, and the apparent closing down of anything transport related, once a few inches of snow wisps lightly down from the heavens. 

You’d think this country, which has been around for a millenia or more, would have figured out how to deal with frozen water droplets from the sky, especially when compared to the USofA, which in country terms is barely old enough to wipe its own bum.  We are shockingly senile and seem positively Alzheimer’ish in our attitude; “What the heck is THIS!?  How do we deal with it?  Heeeelp!”

However, I have my own definite plans for the stuff which includes me + the light of my loins + sled + big hill just outside the local country park.  Of course, ‘sled’ is very possibly a slight exaggeration; tray or cardboard box or bin liner may be better descriptions.  As the old saying goes “Aging is mandatory, maturity is optional”… this big kid is definitely leaving the maturity track and heading off down the hill  :)

That is if the white stuff actually settles…

Now, here’s a question;  When you blog are you supposed to put separate streams of thoughts into separately headed posts or just carry on ‘splurging’ random thoughts into a single post?  I am sat here with a few more things to unburden myself of but unsure as to whether this is best carried on in this post or filed under another post with appropriate title, tags, categorisation and humorous picture?

Such as;

• The tempering of flippancy dependant on the person we are talking to at the time.
• Moving forward, or backwards?
• The uncomfortable unsaid.

Maybe a seperate post when the head has managed to construct something sensible and coherent to say..

Edit:  Just been let out of work early cos of the snow.  I still think it’s somewhat daft for the actual amount of snow that we are experiencing… but hey, it’s approved time off work (and paid for) so who am I to refuse? 

Off to the gym for some swimmie-poo’s methinks