Andy's Blog

The problem with leading an Internet life is that sometimes the things you wish to offload in a very public way, i.e. via a blog, have to be communicated in a sort of code, using vague but hopefully meaningful phrases that convey their impact without actually letting on entirely what is going on, apart from to those people who are in the know.

This, unfortunately, doesn’t always work quite to plan!  Messages are lost in translation, or even missed completely.  The vague too vague, and the intended audience unsure as to what the hell has just been said, even to those people who *are* in the know!

Blogs by their very nature are NOT the whole truth of a person, they can’t be – no one would ever divulge that amount of information about themselves or their feelings for fear of ridicule, hurt, or in worst cases social stigmatism (depending on how exotic your truth is!).

Until I feel braver about divulging more about myself… viva la code breaking whilst I do some discreet anonymous blogging elsewhere!

Sometimes a single, simple, yet profound remark or post lifts a veil on a person’s underlying sadness, or anger, that with hindsight was probably always on display but not understood.

A little while ago, in one of my darker moods, i had updated my facebook status to “Andy thinks honesty, wrapped in humour, is sometimes the best deception” thinking that this was a self defense mechanism unique to myself.  In the cold, crisp, Autumn daylight this ‘seems’ to be more universal than I had imagined.

Some people had questioned my use of the word ‘deception’, but I did then, and still do now, think it was the right word.  The deception is always two-fold, and for the most part done with the best of intentions;

There is always the human need to share your feelings with others, whether it be good or bad news, but also to protect those people we are opening up to.  We never intentionally want others to feel bad or worried for or about us, so protect them with a joke, a lessening of the impact that the news is having on us.

More importantly, we are to a certain extent trying to deceive ourselves.  We don’t want to believe that the situation has gotten to the point we find ourselves in. If we can make light of it, then it can’t be all that bad… can it?

Unfortunately all we can do, in situations like this, is to stand back, hope that things are not as bad as they seem, but be available whenever needed and to earn the badge; “friend”