Andy's Blog

I want to write something.  I’ve been promising a few people that I will write something.  It’s not that I don’t want to put proverbial pen-to-paper, it’s just that although the desire is there – the words are not.

It is HUGELY frustrating and more than a little worrying.  There are things afoot which could be the cause of this frustrating blankness but I am not entirely sure that this is, or I fervently hope it’s not,  the root cause.

There’s been enough happening in the last few months that deserve a mention; Black belts, technology, Cancer, garage dojo, work, children growing up and the usual idiocy of me interacting with my peers.

Let’s face it, I am not actually that good enough to suffer from the fabled “Writers block”.  Stupidity? Yes.  Idiocy?  Almost certainly and admitted to on a daily basis.

There was a new years resolution mulling around the head, although not verbalised, of putting at least one posting on here per week to drive the creative juices…. but the juices are dry :¬\

I shall try, I really really will try, however should you see me any time soon, please feel free to see whether a kick up the proverbials will help jumpstart this whole process off!  It can’t hurt…

…well actually it can, but you know what I mean.

Put one foot in front of the other.  Head down.  Keep the mask on.  Don’t look anyone in the eye.  Don’t connect.  Don’t think.  Sit down.  Do work.  Keep busy.  Adjust the mask.  Smile…  Sort of.  Zone out.  Put the headphones on.  Lose yourself in music.  Travel.  Eat.  Sleep… Sort of.  Wake up.  Slide out of bed.

Put one foot in front of the other….

It does get easier; you lose count of the steps, the mask fits a little easier each day and the “unthinking” becomes second nature.  Unfortunately sometimes, a little rudely perhaps, but that unthought makes its unwelcome presence known again and…. and… and?

Put one foot in front of the other…

With the myriad of complications that have been taking up my time this year, it is still surprising that “people” are the biggest complication of the lot.

I made a decision earlier this year.  A fairly radical decision tis true.  The decision was based on a very personal time of reflection, not lightly made, and one that was built upon some quite intense experiences this year.

Am slightly surprised therefore that someone has taken offence.

As my Sensei has said on numerous occassions; “karate is a journey, not a race”.  For some of us this journey takes a little longer than others, wrong turns have been made and our own personal SatNav needs a little tweaking to get us back on the road.

One person’s decision on their readiness for a new grade is not a reflection on another’s.  It is up to each of us, when the question is asked, to answer if we are prepared internally for that next step.  I’m not.

As I said in a previous post, which far better puts across my feelings, than this slightly rambling post;

“I need to stop chasing the next belt for the next few years and practise on becoming a black belt rather than just wearing one“

I made that decision for myself.  I ask that question of my students.  Each of us can only make that decision for ourselves individually and not for someone else…   and that has to be respected if nothing else.

..as in “Ice” but with an “N”, not as in that place in Southern France which is pronounced similar to your sisters daughter.

Nice is a nice thing to be.  It’s safe, dependable, and…. well… nice.  Nice let’s you get involved in conversations that otherwise you may never get into in the first place.  You can banter around slightly risqué topics and sometimes downright rude ones with members of the opposite sex, as quite frankly they trust you enough to not take it seriously at all, cos you’re a downright thoroughly nice chap.

I enjoy these chats actually (and which bloke wouldn’t?) as it tickles that naughty bone I have inside me…. although that could be worded better!

It tickles my nature, is probably a better way of wording it; the bantering around an unseen boundary, not quite knowing how far to take a certain line of thought, and using words in unique ways to put across an idea which can be both innocent and not so.

Sometimes it works deliciously, other times it’s a horrible train wreck.  However with the right friends, of a similar impish nature, it’s fun and funny and a source of actual laughing out louds (I was going to put LOLZ, but then remembered I wasn’t 13!).

But the label of “nice” can grate a little.  There’s always a part of you that wants others to feel slightly wary, that gives a person that small pause of thought, that exudes that small aura of danger.   In the back of your mind you always know that whilst almost everybody likes to fuss and pet their domestic cat it’s the tigers that really get their hearts beating; that frisson of danger that catches the breath.

But….. I *am* a nice person, with a healthy dose of doubt, a self-deprecatingly wry knowledge of one’s own self worth and a morbid fear of seemingly too interested in something/someone as to seem a little distant.  We all have our dark hearts under our idiot persona though, which will sometimes roar given the right (or wrong) circumstances

…although for some of us that’s done silently in our own personal space.

In the meantime I shall leave you with this little cartoon which is both funny and painfully close to home.

There is a certain assumption when using a simple technology like the telephone that what you communicate from one end will be repeated in the same manner on the other end.  You can be fairly sure that when you speak down the phone the recipient isn’t going to be hearing Donald Duck or Popeye like vocal inflections making lewd comments

….Unless, of course, that’s your particular “thang” – but let’s not go there… well at least not in public… call me… later…

The problem is that phones are no longer a “simple technology”, especially the mobile ones, they are made by a variety of different manufacturers with all kinds of whizz-bangery wonderfulness that you can now do with them.  I don’t know about you, but my phone is more of a portable internet device that, sometimes, does voice as well.

We just kinda assume that they’ll still function like our old phone though; what you speak or write on your side will be reproduced faithfully on the other side… Uuuuunfortunately it t’aint always so.  One phone’s nice little cute smilies aren’t quite the same on another manufacturers phone.

The resultant confusion can make for some very interesting conversations though, and very possibly a surprising visit from someone who’s just gotten a very wrong idea.  That is of course if the recipient tends to see the risqué version of a particular textual rendering… which is pretty much all of those with an extra Y chromosome in their particular DNA strand.  So please, dear female reader, please remember to be careful out there.

Don’t be too surprised if you text this , from a Blackberry, to a male of the species, who doesn’t own a Blackberry, when you receive the following…

8====D

I vaguely remember a school lesson on ancient mythology where one of the mythological creatures was born with the knowledge of the manner and date of its own death.  Now for the life of me, and despite some very weird google results, I can’t remember which creature this was.

Leave a comment in here if you know…. PLEASE!

What would you do if one day you were presented with the same knowledge?  Not necessarily the manner, although this could be the case, but certainly the date… or as close as dammit.  How would you live your life differently, if at all, if you were presented with your own personal “Use by” sticker…?  Where you’d stick it is another post altogether! Continue reading

I’ve never been much of a Lothario, I know that’s hard to believe, or excited much intense reaction from women I am acquainted with, however the gasped “OH GOD!” that I elicited from my female colleague, in the middle of a crowded Costa Coffee, was deeply satisfying.

The fact that there was another female colleague to join in the fun was a bonus, as the “Oh my God!” ‘s were repeated and the scrutiny of naked forms took an intense turn.  A disturbingly intense form.  Realising that she was trying to explore the experience more was both surprising and… well… futile.

There was no more to give.

The ‘post experience’ detailing of underwear, various coloured rabbits and admittance of palpations I will gloss as minor detail.

I, of course, will be battered into a bloody mess for posting this little blogette, even though the guilty have remained nameless, and the fact that this entirely true account of what transpired has enough detail left out to make it sound *SO* much more than what it was… although what it was would, and I jest ye not, leave you with the desire to brillo-pad your eyeballs from the experience!

…and with that, frankly detail light but teasing post, I bid you goodnight ;¬)

“Ah“, said the screen, “I think you’re at the ‘Losing my religion’ phase…”

Which is a slightly strange thing to read, especially as I never had ‘religion’ in the first place.  There is a heart dropping moment when you feel that the next bit of advise to come your way is about how God will magically come along and fix things for you if only you believe hard enough, visit his house on a regular basis, put pennies in his coffers, read his biography, and mumble to yourself with your hands clapped reverently in front of you.

Well that did flit through my mind briefly and was then rudely drowned out by a mandolin that started playing in my head and the image of some bloke dancing like he’s had all the bones removed from his body.

Support forums are a strange land to inhabit.  Sitting in front the computer screen talking with someone you’ve never met about where to stick your personal “use by” tag and whether it really should be “best before” (split decision on this between being a physical or mental age requirement) or “display until” (we shan’t dwell on the conclusion as to when and where that sticker should be placed on your person). Continue reading

Sepai, or any kata for that matter, should always be done fully enveloped in a gi or at least with some form of top to go with the leg wear.  That rule, at least, should always apply to myself any-ways.

I’ve been lying back on my backside for way too long getting fatter and, somewhat alarmingly, hairier and it was time to get some practise in – especially after my recent revelation… and I’ve been thinking of timings, etc, to get my Sepai stronger and faster.

Find a room with some space in it and step back into sumo stance and bring the hands round in a nice strong arc, step forward and bring your hands together whilst drawing them in.  Step through and strike with your elbow whilst in sumo stance.  Step through again into an almost backwards long forward stance whilst striking a powerful pose…

…the powerful imagery of that pose, that is in your head at least, is finally broken when you notice the mirror to one side.  The pulling of the arms back is not making your pectoral muscles ripple, as you imagine it should be, but pulling up your flabby stomach and finally letting the belted area of your leg wear see the light of  day.

Worse still, when you bring your arms back and execute the outside shuto you notice that your flabby belly area is still wobbling from a move you completed two steps back in the kata.

I half heartedly did the mae-geri kick which only succeeded in making the devil’s own scrotum that is my footwear (flip-flops) sail out through the open door like an exocet missile.  I think the cat screeching in fright and sounds of a car crash was more my overactive imagination and a product of watching far too many cartoons than anything that actually happened.

Next time I do that kata I must remember; no flip-flops and definitely wear a gi…. oh, and no mirrors!

Yesterday, Sunday, was a mixed day for me, flicking between feeling sick to my stomach, angry at chances lost, quiet, melancholic, happy for others, and more darkly somewhat self-pitying.

…and I hate myself for that.

I’ve been reading Gichin Funakoshi’s books lately; namely ‘The essence of karate’ and ‘The twenty guiding principles of karate’ and have found myself wanting.  I think I’ve been so focused, recently, on the next grade that I’ve forgotten what it entails.

The colour of your belt is not a right based on how long you’ve been practising the art, but the culmination and growth of understanding of the principles underpinning it.  This has been proved by a colleague who has just reached that next level and his karate, which is far better than mine, proves the point.

Time is not the measure, understanding and application is.

I think it’s time to get back to basics for me.  This isn’t a throwing-dummies-out-the-proverbial-pram moment, the karate training will go on.  However I think I need to stop chasing the next belt for the next few years and practise on becoming a black belt rather than just wearing one.

Sometimes having the wind taken from your sails, metaphorically at least, is the best thing if not a little hard on you at the time…. time, at least, will tell if that’s true or not.