This week has been too bloody weird for words.
…Well almost too bloody weird for words, if it was “too bloody weird for words” this would be a blissfully short blog post.
I’m not entirely sure if I am just a magnet for weirdos and/or weird conversations, or if it’s that I am just more keenly aware of the ridiculousness around me – which probably says more about me than the situations I witness/get involved in.
The problem comes when trying to verbalise this. How do you, for example, write about some fellow user of the work’s urinal approaching the toilet and not-so-much peeing into it but having what can only be described as an uncontrolled yellow explosion, without coming over a little…. weird?
He was apologetic, I had wet shoes and a somewhat alarmed look.
..Or coming across a rather attractive young lady, also at work, struggling to pull open a door that was clearly marked “Push”.
I like to think I’m a polite person, but I struggle to know which is the correct expression to put on one’s face when, after informing her that she needs to push the door, she comes back with “Excuse me, but I had to pull it when I came in from the other side earlier!”
Answers on a postcard please.
…Or what shade of red is the most appropriate to blush to when, after providing some help to a more mature lady just starting on her karate journey on where to place her hands when dropping into kokutsu dachi (answer as I explained to her; just below your sternum or “on the bra line” as it had been explained to me by a fellow female karate-ka), she comes back with “What if you have droopy tits?”
Not entirely sure to be honest, or what the best tack is to take when asking that of Sensei.
I think the icing on the cake though was the out of the blue message I received from a young lady of my acquaintance, during my usual insomniac late nighters, which read “Did u know Dolphins rape ppl :O“, then closely followed by “Google it!”
Now I’m a self professed idiot, but even *I’M* not idiotic enough to go googling that particular phrase. Also, I
prefer my pornographic material to be somewhat more mainstream than that don’t feel that sort of thing is appropriate.
The fact that the person in question went as far as establishing that the aforementioned dolphin’s prefer their victims to be male and had taken the time to find videos of this was also a little bemusing.
…and the only thing that I can think of after all of this? I don’t have enough bewildered expressions in my repertoire to continue noticing this stuff.