I can visualise his face, I can remember how he looked as he laughed, I can remember a thousand little facets of his character and outlook, but I can no longer remember his voice. I can remember every minute of that day; the call late at night, the flashing blue lights, the ambulance getting lost, the tears, the horrible hot chocolate, my throat so tight I couldn’t talk, and seeing the body that was both him and not him… Read More
The problem with Karate is that if, for whatever reason, you miss out a week or two it seems like you go back to square white belt. Any semblance of co-ordination goes out the window, and the most basic of principals are assigned to the part of the brain that’s also responsible for you microwaving the bowl of sugar and pouring milk into the tin of coffee… I wouldn’t mind.. Read More
Life is hard.
Not the most inspirational of openers there, but one worth saying.
It’s all self inflicted I know…
…well some of it, other bits seem to be WAY out of my control and the control of those people working on my behalf. You can’t help but get a little overwhelmed by it all sometimes.
I did once say that we all live two lives; the ones we show in public, and the one we live in private. Some people didn’t entirely agree, but I still stand by it. How many of us have answered “I’m fine” when asked “how are you?”, knowing full well the lie behind the answer?
As per my usual modus operandi, I am listening to WAY too much music and this seems to drive the current mood rather than act as an agent of change
“Maybe I’m wrong
Or maybe I’m right
Maybe it’s just too late but this is keeping me awake all night.
Maybe say yes or maybe say no
Maybe I’m just too shy to admit that it is time to go.”
If I was a braver man I’d let others know how I feel, but a strong streak of self-deprecation, and maybe an ingrained ‘stiff upper lip’ attitude, puts paid to that fantasy.
Get knocked back enough and we all start to believe the message told to us, even when told differently by the majority.
Or maybe don’t care
Shit, maybe there is no god in the big white clouds up there
Maybe live long
Or maybe die young
Or maybe live every day like it’s your last day under the sun.”
Now I don’t claim that any of this is in any way unique to myself. Trawl facebook enough and it soon becomes evident that it’s ‘almost’ fairly universal.
However, when all is said and done, I am at heart an optimist. I just sometimes give myself time to wallow a little in self pity, moon from afar all that is unattainable and then get on with my life. This is just one of my ‘wallow’ times.
Even the ‘uncontrollable element’ doesn’t control how I go forward, much to the irritation of some of the aforementioned helpers, and maybe to some detriment to myself.
“We go out on our own
It’s a big bad world outside
Carrying our dreams and all that they mean
Try to make it all feel right.”
I will continue dreaming, even though most of them will ultimately come to naught, otherwise what’s the point in all of this?
There’s no far reaching, and enlightening, conclusion to all this re-arranging of the fluff in my umbilicus, just a process of clearing out the mud bath ready for the next wallow…. whenever it comes 😉
~ Big Bad World by Kodaline (from the album ‘In A Perfect World’)
Not entirely sure why “here” has decided that we’ve been having it all entirely too easy, but the daily showering routine can be summarised as; 1. Enter ridiculously small shower cubicle. 2. Confidently twiddle with shower controls. Alternate between “drooling” and something that a Northern Irish policeman would be proud of during marching season. 3. Accept fate and go with semi-cold dribble. 4. Utilise shower gel and shampoo that’s been.. Read More
Just a blissfully short post today, as I don’t know where else to post this. Posting it on facebook seems a little “look at me, me, me” recently and I really don’t want to start wallowing in self grandstanding, I’m also starting to regret this blog becoming somewhat more public than I had envisioned it would be. An old ‘friend’ has come back to visit and I just feel like.. Read More
Sometimes it’s better to say nothing and just let the music wash over you in silence.
This week has been too bloody weird for words. …Well almost too bloody weird for words, if it was “too bloody weird for words” this would be a blissfully short blog post. I’m not entirely sure if I am just a magnet for weirdos and/or weird conversations, or if it’s that I am just more keenly aware of the ridiculousness around me – which probably says more about me than.. Read More
Sometimes, although not as often as one would like, the marketing hype behind a product actually does seems to live up to the claims that it makes. Although not necessarily in ways that you actually imagined them *TO* work. What am I wittering on about? Well, I bought one of those compression tops n’ bottoms that athletes wear, and with them the promise that wearing them would reduce aches n’.. Read More
I’m not liking my karate at the moment. The style and what’s being taught is not the issue, just my unique interpretation of what’s been patiently passed onto me. My kicks aren’t good enough, flexibility is an issue, stances need a lot of work and after reviewing the awesome books and videos by Iain Abernethy, it’s obvious that I need to go back to square 1 and actually LEARN my.. Read More
Well 2013 is rapidly approaching and as per usual I have decided that cometh the new year, cometh the new me… or at least a vague set of promises will be made by yours truly to improve my lot and bring unto the world the new, improved, shiny and sexy Andy. It’s pretty much the same promises that were made in previous years, and will probably end up in the.. Read More